Red Dwarf OneHalf
by rewind gone nuts
Summary: What happens when the Nerima Ward Council, tired of cleaning up after the NWC, decide to get rid of them by shooting them into deep space?
1. Chapter 1

Red Dwarf One-Half 

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½™ in any way, shape or form, nor do I own the concept of Red Dwarf™._

**Author's Notes: **though my fanfiction writing career is technically over/on quasi-hiatus due to lack of inspiration/ideas, I've had requests for this story and I had enough inspiration left that I tried to at least give it a go by posting the opening chapter. The creation of further chapters however depends entirely upon you, the readers. Reviews expressing interest and –especially- reviews with your ideas about what might happen to the Spacebound NWC will result in chapter creation from me. Who knows? If this is popular enough I might be able to resurrect Sacrifice ½, Twizted Matchups or even Chaos Calls To Chaos!

Chapter 1: The Final Frontier School of Martial Arts, or; In Space, No One Can Hear You Ki-yah!

"This emergency meeting of the Nerima Ward Council is now in session. I trust you're all aware of why we're here?"

A chorus of half-seen headshakes and assorted negative sounds answered him, at which the chairman sighed in exasperation.

"This meeting has been called to address a grievous problem that has been plaguing our fair district for too long now, a problem which this meeting is intended to solve. I am speaking, of course, of nothing less than the 'super martial artists', commonly referred to as the Nerima Wrecking Crew, who have been terrorising this district. Mr. Ichi, would you please start the slideshow?"

The named individual, just another shape in the shadows, activated something that turned out to be a slide projector. A series of photographed images flickered onto a screen as the chairman spoke.

"As you are most certainly aware, Nerima has been suffering from a terrible series of events whose occurrences and very nature can only be described as 'freakish'. These events can all be traced back to the same set of individuals. Now, none of these characters intentionally cause the mayhem and havoc they wreak, but the destruction occurs all the same and it is proving a serious threat to the safety, indeed, the very survival of Nerima."

As the other council members began murmuring to each other, the chairman made a gesture to Mr. Ichi, who promptly changed slide batches.

"Now here are detailed physical depictions of the culprits who are to blame behind all of this. Firstly, we have one Saotome Ranma, a freshman in our own Furinkan High School. Saotome's history has proven very difficult to unveil, and much is still in shadows, but he is known to be the son of one Saotome Genma and Saotome Nodoka, both of whom live in this very ward. At the age of three, Saotome Genma, Ranma's father, took the boy away from his mother to undergo a sort of pilgrimage, during which he trained the boy extensively in martial arts… and virtually nothing else."

"The result is that the boy, like his father, is something of an idiot savant; an indescribable genius at martial arts, but almost completely helpless in regards to any other subject. However, whilst his father is the same by nature, Saotome Ranma has been rendered so by nurture; our reports indicate that the boy has received only the barest minimum of education during his pre-adolescent years, and even now that he attends Furinkan High School his studying skills are still atrocious due to his father's influence; he is both uninterested in his studies and he is often drawn away from class to attend various martial arts matches. He is one of the two individuals who have been defined as 'lynchpins'."

"Now this is Tendo Akane, the second of the two lynchpins for the Nerima Wrecking Crew. Miss Tendo is the youngest of three daughters, the children of absentee member Mr. Tendo Soun, and was born and raised in this very district. However, she has always been something of a 'chaos-magnet', see the report on her relationship with Kuno Tatewaki, and the arrival of Saotome Ranma as her fiancé has only made things worse. She doesn't tend to being the direct instigator of trouble, but whilst her martial arts training has gifted her with the super-human strength common to all of these super martial artists she has learned nothing of the attendant control and discipline. As a consequence, she combines her great strength with a fiery temper and fierce sense of pride, a most dangerous combination indeed."

"This is Hibiki Ryoga. He was the first of the Nerima Wrecking Crew to appear after Saotome Ranma and his father moved here. Of all the Crew he is the most outright destructive, combining his incredible strength and a secret technique that lets him destroy rock and steel with a touch with an over-emotional nature and an absolutely horrendous sense of direction. Despite the fact he only appears in Nerima occasionally, he has caused perhaps the most destruction. Originally, he sought revenge on Saotome Ranma for the fact that he fell into the Jusenkyo Spring of Drowned Piglet, but now he remains because he desires to win the affections of Tendo Akane."

"This is Kuonji Ukyo. Like many of these youths, her presence in Nerima is directly tied to the presence of Saotome Ranma. At a young age, Saotome Genma agreed to engage his son to her, despite the fact his son had already been engaged to marry a daughter of the Tendo household prior to birth. Saotome Genma dealt with this moral dilemma by simply running off with Kuonji's dowry, the family okonomiyaki-vending cart, and leaving her beside the road. She dedicated her life to pursing Saotome Ranma for revenge, but when she finally caught up to him here in Nerima she instead choose to become an official contender for his hand in marriage, opening up a restaurant to support herself."

"Shan Pu is from China, specifically she is a member of the Joketsuzoku, also known as the Chinese Amazons. They are an ancient matriarchal tribe of martial artists from deep within the Bayankara mountain range. She is here pursuing Saotome Ranma in accordance with her tribal laws, which state she has to marry Saotome Ranma because he defeated her in combat."

"Also from the Joketsuzoku is Mu Tsu, a practitioner of Hidden Weapons Style martial arts who specializes in ranged combat, despite his poor eyesight. This, coupled with his emotional instability, renders him the most actively destructive of the Nerima Wrecking Crew, alongside Hibiki Ryoga. He came to Nerima to try and win Shan Pu's hand in marriage, and works alongside Shan Pu and Shan Pu's great-grandmother Khu Lon in a Chinese restaurant."

"The final members of the Nerima Wrecking Crew are Kuno Tatewaki and Kuno Kodachi. These two have been troublemakers since before Ranma even arrived, remaining untouched despite being amongst the weakest of the super martial artists by virtue of their massive wealth. The two wouldn't actually be so much trouble if not for their unstable psyches."

"Very interesting. But precisely why have you called for this meeting? Exactly what harm have they been doing? From what I heard, they keep their fights solely to their own numbers. Well, except the Saotome kid; he gets called out by wandering martial artists now and then."

The chairman frowned as he tried to pinpoint precisely who amongst the council members had spoken, unable to do so he resumed speaking.

"Generally, it is true they do not fight with anyone other than themselves. However, they generally demolish their immediate surroundings whenever they do so. Hibiki is especially bad at this; he routinely demolishes walls, shatters telephone lines and digs massive craters in the streets. Mu Tsu routinely accosts innocent bystanders when his poor vision leads him to mistake them for Saotome or Shan Pu. Property values are dropping like stones, insurance companies are cancelling their policies due to bankruptcy- people are moving away in droves; they're terrified of being caught in the crossfire or of having their houses torn down around them! Nerima is being bled dry gentlemen, accidently and non-purposely, but it is dying all the same. We must take action against the Nerima Wrecking Crew!"

He pounded his fist on the table for emphasis, startling the other council members.

"Now really Mr. Chairman; are you entirely sure such dramatic measures are necessary?"

CRASH!

The council members leapt up like startled birds as the ceiling suddenly caved in and the table around which they had been sitting was crushed to the floor by an unidentifiable projectile, which slowly sat up and revealed itself to be none other than Saotome Ranma, rubbing his head with a pained look upon his face.

"Ow… damn tomboy, she didn't have to hit me so hard. So I didn't want to eat her cooking- big deal! Who'd want to eat squid and rice stir-fried in dish soap and spiced with drain cleaner crystals?"

As the council members blinked, trying to figure out a reply to that, the ground beneath their feet shook and then exploded, the figure of Hibiki Ryoga tearing his way from below with a ferocious grimace upon his face.

"Ranma! How dare you insult Akane's cooking like that! I won't stand for it!"

As the council members ran for cover, Ranma and Ryoga began one of their usual ferocious brawls; eventually leaping out through the hole Ranma's entry had smashed into the roof and away into the horizon. As the council emerged from their hiding places to take in the ruins of their meeting hall, they unanimously turned to the chairman.

"We're with you one hundred percent! The only problem is, what do we do about them?"

"The one good thing about Saotome's presence in Nerima drawing chaos is that it makes it much easier to find… shall we say… 'unique'… methods of resolving problems. I've managed to purchase, for the meagre price of one million yen, the ultimate solution to our martial artist problem."

Smiling, the chairman pressed a hitherto hidden button and a wall slid back to reveal a doorway. The council members followed the chairman and Mr. Ichi down the revealed steps and gasped in shock at what they found; a spaceship. An actual, gigantic, futuristic spaceship.

"How in the world did this get down here? More the point, who in their right minds would sell something like this for only one million yen?" breathed a councillor, provoking a smile from the chairman.

"Well, the man's business flyer did say he was crazy, but anyway. This is the answer to our problems. The ship is fully automated, equipped with perfect life support systems, an infinite power supply and weapons for self-defense, and it has enough stored supplies to support a group of over elven hundred for several centuries. All we need to do is load the Nerima Wrecking Crew into it and launch it into space. Due to a combination of its programming and the fact the navigation portion of it's A.I. was created from a scan of Hibiki Ryoga's brain, once it is launched they'll never find their way back to earth!"

Now, had this proposition been made to a normal city council, it would have been –at best- laughed out of the building. As this was Nerima, and seeing as how they'd just had Ranma and Ryoga crash in on their meeting, the proposition was met with total approval. Now all that remained was actually capturing the Nerima Wrecking Crew. Surprisingly, that turned out to be relatively easy.

First to go were the Kunos; a small bribe to Nabiki got her to deliver a pair of packages, each loaded with a sleeping gas bomb.

Secondly, Ryoga was neutralized by a female agent (one of the female students from Furinkan, working for the council in exchange for some alterations to her permanent record) armed with one of Kodachi's own black rose bouquet bombs, modified to dispense sleeping gas.

Shampoo, Mousse and Ukyo all fell at once to the same trick; a phoney delivery order that led them to a gas chamber.

Finally, the only two left were Ranma and Akane. And they would fare no better.

"Hello there, you're a fine-looking young lad aren't you? How'd you like a free sample of our latest flavour?"

"Wow, you mean it? Sure, thanks mister!" Ranma normally didn't eat ice cream as a guy, but a free sample was a free sample. He did think it was kind of odd to see an ice cream vendor here in Nerima, but he shrugged off his concerns to enjoy eating it. It had a rather strange aftertaste to it come to think of it… hey, why were the streets getting so blurry? Akane's eyes widened as Ranma slowly slumped to the ground.

"Ranma! What's wrong? Hey! Let go of me!"

No sooner had Ranma collapsed then another agent had stepped up behind Akane and clamped a chloroformed rag over her mouth, the sheer surprise of its attack enabling it to hold on long enough to render her unconscious. The agent who'd disguised himself as an ice cream vendor started hauling Ranma onto his shoulders as the other did the same with Akane.

In the secret launch base, the councillors acted the role of rocket technicians as the chairman counted down.

"Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Ignition."

The switch was pressed and, with a thunderous fury, the spaceship was launched into space, the councillors breaking out into cheers almost despite themselves as it disappeared into the sky.

"Problem solved. The timers on those cryogenic suspension pods will release them in about six months ship time, and they'll be much better off out there, seeing new places and where people like us don't have to put up with them. Who wants to go out for a celebratory meal?"

_Okay, probably not the best of openings, but as I keep mentioning I have been suffering terminal writer's block. Reviews will spark further chapters- and make sure to post your ideas for what sort of chaos the NWC could get into in the depths of space with no adult supervision!_


	2. Chapter 2

Red Dwarf One-Half 

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½™ in any way, shape or form, nor do I own the concept of Red Dwarf™._

**Author's Notes: **wow, this story got almost as many reviews for its first chapter as Sacrifice ½ did! I'm glad people want this to continue and I'll try to continue it, but if you have any ideas for scenarios you'd like to see happen (radiation from a nearby planetoid makes Jusenkyo curses act up, group trip to a dream-world via a V.R. game goes sour, touchdown on a planet goes haywire due to hostile natives…) then please submit them in your reviews!

This particular strain of writer's block I've contracted prevents the conception of scenarios to work into chapters, so your suggestions are vital to the continuation of this story. I do request that you keep requests for anime crossovers to a minimum; I don't actually know any anime other than Ranma ½ and besides which there's already an immense number of Ranma ½/Sailor Moon and Ranma ½/Tenchi Muyo crossovers.

Chapter 2: Rude Awakenings

Three months had now passed since the Nerima Wrecking Crew had started their one-way vacation cruise, and only now were the folks of Nerima who actually cared about their presence starting to notice the fact. Well, to be honest, Soun and Genma had noticed Ranma and Akane's absence after one month, but had stubbornly clung to the belief that the two of them had simply eloped. Nabiki, on the other hand, was nowhere near so stupid.

'This has to have been planned by someone. And how dare they involve me in it! I should have known that getting paid two million yen just to deliver some packages to the Kunos was suspicious…'

Truth be told, such a deal had been very suspicious. But a combination of Nabiki's innate greed and the normal abnormality of Nerima had pushed aside her concerns for the sake of the yen. Now, she resolved to try and solve this mystery- if only to ensure no one tried blaming her for this. Unfortunately, three months of investigation later and she still had no idea who could have possibly eliminated every super martial artist from Nerima.

The officials had been no help at all –far too many held grudges against Nerima's martial artist population to even care about their absence- and any leads she did manage to find inevitably led to dead ends. She had to admit a grudging respect for whoever was responsible; they'd certainly covered their tracks well. Unfortunately, that meant that six months with no leads of any kind, which had really shaken the non-combatants remaining.

Her father and Genma had both withdrawn in on themselves, often breaking out into bouts of weeping over the fact that the schools wouldn't be joined. The furious Cologne had, reluctantly, left Nerima; there had been nothing she could do to find her great-granddaughter and with both Shampoo and Ranma gone she had no reason to stay in Nerima. She had made Nabiki swear to inform her of anything she found regarding the disappearances and Nabiki had eagerly agreed; the look in the ancient martial artist's eyes had been enough to send a shiver of fear down even Nabiki's spine and a part of her shuddered at the thought about what Cologne might do to the people responsible for her great-granddaughter's disappearance.

Happosai was still causing trouble and making a nuisance of himself but he'd decreased his normal enthusiasm, a mixture of lack of interest with Ranma and Akane no longer around to try and stop him and fear of disappearing in much the same manner the cause. Even Kasumi seemed to have been affected by the malaise; her smiles and manner now bore a faint hint of artificiality, as though she was starting to more go through the routines than truly feel it. Of all the parents, it was Principal Kuno who was the least affected. If anything he'd gotten worse without Ranma, Akane, Ukyo and even Tatewaki to try and stop him.

Of course, what none of those left knew was that these six months of absence held another meaning. Somewhere in deep space, it was time for the Nerima Wrecking Crew to wake up again…

Pain. That was the first thing that registered on Ranma's inhumanly acute senses the moment consciousness flared into being. Not exactly the excruciating agony where it seemed like every single nerve in his body as being tested for their suitability as musical instrument strings by some unholy minstrel, but a different kind of pain. A sort of dull, throbbing ache that by itself wouldn't be too bad but somehow managed to hijack the senses so that it overshadowed everything else and seemed to encompass the entire universe. Ranma, unfortunately, was experienced with this sort of pain –more so than any sane person would wish to be- and knew that the only way to ignore it was to concentrate on it; basically to try and stare it down.

It was this that prevented Ranma from initially realising exactly where he was, but after several minutes he managed to stare down the pain and found himself gawking at the strange room he was in. A sudden sound like a throat being cleared was sufficient to throw him into a battle-stance out of instinct, though he cautiously exited the stance as he listened to what the voice was saying.

"Greetings and welcome. I know you all have questions and I assure you they will be answered if you will simply follow the indicating signs to the pre-approved meeting place."

As Ranma watched an arrow of bright red light appeared on the wall, pointing to the doorway. Out of curiosity he existed the room, discovering himself in a passageway with another arrow flashing on the wall in front of him. After about five to ten minutes of following arrows, by which time he was feeling very lost, he finally found himself in a large room, filled with technical-looking equipment, with his fiancées, his rivals and the Kunos. Akane turned to him as he entered, staring at the high-tech surroundings.

"So there you are Ranma. Come to that, where are we?"

"You are aboard the spaceship Blue Giant. I am the ship's computer. I am pleased to see that you are suffering no ill-effects from your six months in cryogenic stasis."

The voice came from everywhere and nowhere at once, startling the Nerimites. Turning to face the central mass of computing, for lack of anywhere else to address, Ranma spoke up.

"Why are we here?"

"The exact details are not within my memory banks, but suffice to say that each and every one of you has been deemed an undesirable social element and thus all of you have been officially banished from Earth."

The Nerimites reaction to this, needless to say, is unprintable. The computer waited for the furious furore to die down before resuming speaking.

"This is not of my choice and there is nothing I can do about it. Whilst I am in overall charge of the ship, and by extension yourselves, specific sections of responsibility are under the authority of lesser 'sub-A.I's'. I can only override them in specific circumstances, primarily where their current choice of actions would endanger this ship and your lives. However, the sole A.I I cannot override is the navigation A.I, which was constructed from cerebral scans of one Hibiki Ryoga."

"The navigator was patterned after **who?**" was the outburst that erupted from every individual present.

"Yes, unfortunately, which means there is essentially no way of knowing where we will end up. That means you are stuck here with me for… whatever the average lifespan of a martial artist is. If you follow the scuzz-bots, they will direct you to your own personal quarters; cryogenic stasis is quite taxing on the body's systems and you will need time to recuperate. Hibiki Ryoga; your scuzz-bot has been personally assigned to you and it will assist you in the location of any and all desired locations. When you are strong enough to partake in such things, there are a variety of diversionary occupations scattered throughout the ship."

"Such as?" Ranma asked sarcastically. The computer replied in the same calm, patient tone it had been using until then; evidentially unaffected by human emotions.

"For one, there are several Virtual Reality stations, where you can literally 'plug yourself in' to a program and play through the scenario as though you were actually there. There is a relatively extensive library of pre-existing game programs, and there also exists software that enables you to 'write' new programs should you desire. There are several gyms, outfitted to enable the production any sort of sport or exercise you should desire– especially martial arts. And there also is an extensive library and a well-stocked cinema. In addition, each set of quarters –which are outfitted for single persons, though they can be modified to house two individuals- comes with a universal monitor that allows the inhabitant to engage recreational software, watch television programs and listen to music of their choice."

Ranma couldn't help the whistle of admiration that slipped between his teeth; that was more stuff then he'd ever dreamed of in his life. The others were also silent for several seconds, seemingly taking in the information, until Mousse broke the silence.

"What about food? How do we eat?"

"Each set of quarters comes with a universal vending machine that will produce any form of food or drink you request in the proportions you request. There are also several 'bars', as my data files tell me they are called, where you may go to engage in public eating, mutual enjoyment of music and dancing, and the imbuement of fermented vegetable fluids."

"What?"

"He means a pub. Though rather classy pubs by the sound of it." Remarked Ranma in reply to Ukyo's question. He blinked when he noticed the others were staring at him- the atmosphere indicated that even the computer was staring.

"What? My old man brought me up on the road. I've probably been in more pubs, bars and seedy dives then you've ever dreamed of visiting."

The computer, making use of the digital reconstruction of a throat-clearing cough, broke the awkward silence that followed.

"Yes, that is correct. In a final note, the ship also houses several electronic learning facilities, where you will be able to study virtually any subject, up to and including operating my own systems. Please note that any tampering with my circuitry without the approval of the safety A.I. will result in the activation of the ship's auto-destruct mechanism. Activation will result in the detonation of the ship's power core, producing an explosion of approximately seven point seven gigatons."

Seeming to sense the atmosphere in reaction that statement, the computer spoke again.

"But do not concern yourselves with it. A far better subject to study would be the operation of the various 'mini-ships'; small transport vessels docked within the hold. Once you have studied sufficiently, you will be capable of leaving this vessel to make external explorations. Now, you have been ambulatory long enough. Here are the scuzz-bots; please follow them to your designated quarters."

The "scuzz-bots" turned out to be small, essentially spherical lumps of metal. In the exact center of the sphere was a large, faintly glowing red lens, clearly the robots' eye. At equal positions around the rim of the circle emerged long, spindly arms, which ended in a strange manipulator –two fingers emerging from the back of the palm and opposed by three from the front- which clearly served equally well as hand or foot. Each scuzz-bot walked or scurried over to its chosen Nerimite and began gently tugging at their clothing, clearly trying to persuade them to follow the scuzz-bots.

Rather then turning around though, the scuzz-bots simply walked backwards, their strangely shaped limbs enabling them to do so with ease. Curiosity persuaded Ranma to grab his scuzz-bot and turn it around, revealing a second lens implanted in its "back" in the exact same position as the one on its "front". Curiosity sated Ranma gently put it down and followed it as it continued its path, seemingly undisturbed. He, and the other Nerimites, were indeed beginning to feel hungry and woozy, but once they purged the toxins of cryogenic stasis from their bodies they would begin exploring their new home.

_Okay, second chapter done in record time; see what happens when you provide lots of reviews? I already asked for you to submit scenarios you'd like to see in the Author's Notes at the start of this chapter, so I won't repeat myself. However, I do have a few potential scenarios of my own- please tell me in your reviews which scenario you want me to write next. I'll most likely write them all up, but I'll do so in order related to the number of reviews received in favour of it- aka the one with the most reviews asking for it will be the first to come online._

_-The Blue Giant passes through a strange asteroid belt, the minerals of which react bizarrely to the mystical energies clinging to the Nerima Wrecking Crew. Basically, the Jusenkyo curses go berserk! _

_If you want this chapter, then please suggest possible ways in which the curses could freak out (Shampoo becomes a cat-girl, Tatewaki & Kodachi receive Spring of Drowned Girl/Boy curses respectively, Ranma & Ryoga switch curses/bodies etc) and also if you want these "mutated" curses (or just specific ones) to be permanent._

_-The Nerima Wrecking Crew are finished taking the tests that will let them fly the Blue Giant's mini-ships. Unfortunately, their first independent voyage goes badly when they go to explore an ancient alien spaceship. Within its depths they encounter an ancient but still functioning robot, who explains that the ship they're in was the property of a now-extinct alien race who made their living as "war merchants", selling mercenaries, warrior-slaves and weapons technology to customers. Unfortunately for the NWC, some of the technology is still active- a fact that is violently made clear when Ranma gets "infected" by a cerebral symbiont, designed to bond with a host and grant them psionic powers. With their best warrior unconscious, can the NWC survive when an insane biomechanical killing machine breaks free and starts hunting them?_

_If you want this scenario, then I need you to tell me whether you want the symbiont's attempt to bond with Ranma to be a failure or a success. If the latter, I need you to tell me which of these power sets you want to see Ranma gain:_

_Combo Telepathy (thought reading) and Empathy (emotion reading)_

_Thermokinesis (equal powers in Pyrokinesis and Cryokinesis)_

_Vitakinesis (psionic healing)_

_Combo Photokinesis (psionic generation/control of light) and Umbrakinesis (psionic generation/control of darkness)_

_Chronokinesis (psionic control/manipulation of time)_

_Telekinesis_

_-While flicking idly through the VR suite's game library, Akane finds an experimental game called "Better than Life". She boots it up to find herself in a world that runs on **her** rules, where she is in absolute control of everything. In other words, in this game she can literally live out her "perfect life". Things get out of hand when the other Nerimites start fighting over it, which results in the game going haywire. Can Ranma, the only one who hasn't gotten caught up in this, save the other Nerimites before their conflicting desires and mental struggles for dominance cause the VR suite to burn out, trapping them in Better than Life for eternity?_


	3. Chapter 3

Red Dwarf One-Half 

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½™ in any way, shape or form, nor do I own the concept of Red Dwarf™._

**Author's Notes: **incredible, this story is turning out way more popular than I had ever expected; this might become the spiritual successor to my long-running "Sacrifice ½" story. Anyway, reviewer Shakeval gave me a review in the last chapter that has basically sorted me out for this chapter and chapter 4. However, I ask that you continue voting on the scenarios from the End Author's Notes of chapter 2; the "winner" will become the basis of chapter 5 and possibly a few others after that, though I also ask that you submit your own ideas as to what you want to happen. I apologize for the delay in getting this up, but I had an accident recently and slashed my fingers; they've only just healed enough that I can really type with them.

Chapter 3: Getting To Know Your New Home

Ranma came awake with a considerable degree of confusion. For one thing his father hadn't tossed him out of his futon to commence their "morning sparring". For another he wasn't even in his futon, or even in the Tendo Dojo. He blinked at his surroundings; where was he?

"Good morning Saotome Ranma. I trust you are now recovered from cryogenic stasis?" The smooth, even, mechanical voice that suddenly echoed from all around finally jolted Ranma's brain and reforged the shattered fragments of his memories. Memories of his ambush, of awakening on board this ship and of being told that he and all the others were exiles from Earth poured into his mind, prompting an unconscious moan.

"Are you feeling alright? My records indicate that you, of all people, should be completely purged of cryogen toxins after this period of activation. Perhaps you wish to be directed to the medi-bay?"

"What? No, no, I'm fine. Just, well, it's kinda a bitter pill to swallow, ya know?"

"Yes, the emotional turmoil resulting from such a rejection by your peers must be devastating. Have something to eat; you need the nourishment and it'll take your mind off things."

"Uh… okay." Ranma said, a little disconcerted. He turned his attention away from the ceiling, which he had been staring at for lack of a better place to direct his eyes, and turned towards the strange panel in the wall, above which was installed a small plaque with the words "Food Dispenser" carved into it.

"Now then, how do you work this thing?"

His absent-minded question must have started some program, because a set of lights suddenly flashed into life, giving the panel the appearance of eyes as a buzzing, neutral voice suddenly thrummed into existence.

"Good morning. It is 9:15AM Ship Time. How may this unit assist you?"

Ranma blinked and flinched back, startled despite himself. When the machine failed to attack he cautiously spoke to it again.

"Uh… what precisely are you? What do you do?"

"This unit is Food Dispenser #7349-XC/beta2. This unit's function is to provide food or liquid refreshments as specified by the user, which is you. What is your order?"

"Okay… what can you give me?"

"This unit is capable of producing any foodstuff or beverage that is programmed into its databanks. This unit has been programmed with all commonly known recipes of Earth."

"Alright… in that case, let's try something simple. Um, a bowl of beef ramen?"

The dispenser's lights flashed and flickered for several seconds, accompanied by a humming noise which prompted Ranma to quickly and cautiously back away. Then, the lights stopped and the panel slid open with a faint swishing noise, followed by a soft whirring as a tray jutted out from between the "doors". On the tray, was a bowl of steaming-hot beef ramen, a pair of fresh chopsticks neatly beside it. Ranma carefully picked up the bowl and, as the tray slid back into the panel and the panel slid shut, took a cautious mouthful. And beamed in delight; it was delicious. Seconds later, the bowl was empty and Ranma was looking at the dispenser again. Apparently reacting to Ranma's gaze, it spoke again.

"Now that you have finished your meal you may return your eating materials to this unit, or to any nearby Food Dispenser unit."

It slid out its tray again and Ranma placed the empty bowl and chopsticks back onto the tray, which disappeared again into the panel.

"Um, could I have some more?"

"Naturally. What would you like?"

"Same again please."

The dispenser whirred again and ejected another bowl of beef ramen, which Ranma took with a grin. Maybe living here wouldn't be so bad after all…

Some time later, Ranma's door 'whooshed' open and Ranma emerged, a smile on his face at the rare feeling of having actually eaten until he was full. Now that his hunger was assuaged, it was time to explore.

Though Ranma had no way of knowing it, he wasn't the only Nerimite exploring their new home. Ryoga was also up and about, though he was also –as always- completely lost; his personal scuzz-bot had apparently wandered off in the night and now he couldn't find it.

"Gah! Where is it? How could something like that just disappear- it isn't like it could get up and walk away!"

"Actually, it could and it clearly did." Came the computer's voice.

"…Shut up." Was Ryoga's witty reply. The computer sighed, and a person smarter than Ryoga probably would have wondered how that was possible.

"If you just keep going straight, there's a cluster of scuzz-bots. One of them is the unit I assigned to you."

Ryoga instantly started running, only to screech to a halt roughly thirty seconds later. There, standing in a small group and doing absolutely nothing, were four scuzz-bots. Ryoga stepped into their midst and paused, trying to figure out which was which as Tatewaki and Kodachi came walking up.

"Um… is this my scuzz-bot?"

"No, that's your scuzz-bot. This is my scuzz-bot."

"No, I think it's mine."

"One side plebeians, this scuzz-bot is in truth the rightful property of the Blue Thunder!"

As the teens began to argue, the computer sighed.

"Note to self: give each assigned scuzz-bot a particular paintjob."

Roughly an hour of exploration later, Ranma finally encountered someone; none other than Akane Tendo.

"Yo Akane, where did you come from?"

"I'm… not too sure. I've been walking for almost an hour."

"Yeah, this place is huge. Pity we don't have a map or anything like that."

"What do you need a map for? You can simply call out to me." Came the computer's voice.

"You mean you can help us find our way around?" asked Akane in a disbelieving tone.

"Uh huh. I can also tell you the exact location of the other occupants of this ship."

"Prove it. Where's Ukyo?"

"Kuonji Ukyo is currently moving through corridor 7G in Sector Gimmel. Next question?"

"Where are the Kunos?"

"Since when do you care about the Kunos Ranma?"

"I don't, I want to know where they are so that I can stay aware from them."

"Kuno Tatewaki is currently haunting the multiplex cinema in Sector Vegas, watching the Seven Samurai. Kuno Kodachi is in the gym in the same sector. Before you follow up, Shan Pu is in her quarters listening to a soundtrack of traditional Joketsuzoku music and Mu Tsu is in a tutorage chamber."

"Okay, so where's Ryoga?"

"Hibiki Ryoga is currently… stuck in one of the aft torpedo tubes? How the heck did he get in there? Oh well, do you wish me to jettison him?"

"No! I mean, hmm… actually…"

"Ranma!" Akane shrieked in shock. When he didn't even flicker in his contemplations she quickly drew her trusty mallet from subspace, which definitely caught Ranma's attention.

"I was just kidding Akane, it was just a joke!" he babbled, waving his hands frantically to try and appease her- in vain. She smirked sightly as she dispatched her hammer before spinning on her heel and walking away, a haughty sniff and the words "some joke" trailing behind her. The computer heaved a sigh, one of sufficient tone it conveyed that, were it possible to do so, it would have sweatdropped at Ranma and Akane's actions.

"What have I gotten myself into? The programmer was right; I should have been an automatic coffee machine."

After Ranma regained consciousness, the computer decided that the best way to keep fights to a minimum was to distract the Nerimites. First of all, he invited Ranma (read: conjured a horde of scuzz-bots and had them drag him through the ship) to the ship's dojo.

"So this is the dojo, is it? I gotta say, it don't look like much." Said Ranma, looking rather disdainfully at the large, empty room. His ruminations were disrupted by the smooth, even tones of the computer.

"I assure you, this dojo is well stocked. It is equipped with, among other things, voice-activated environmental recreation units and gravity modulation."

"Huh?"

"Basically, you can increase or decrease the gravity levels of this chamber with a voice command."

"What good would that do? And what are those enviro-thingamabobs?"

"The primary usage for gravity modulation is to train under conditions of increased gravity. Due to the greater pull, far more effort must be expended to achieve the desired results, thus heightening the development of musculature. The environmental recreation units utilise hard-light holograms to replicate various forms of environment so as to aid in specialised training. For example; spring forest."

The words had no sooner slipped into the air than the room began to shimmer, changing before Ranma's eyes so that the sterile white emptiness was replaced with green. The temperature altered to a slight increase in warmth and the stereotypical sounds of a forest began filtering into the chamber as trees literally shot up from the ground. Roughly a heartbeat later, Ranma was standing in the middle of what was, to all intents and purposes, a genuine forest.

"Woah." Ranma couldn't help it; it simply slipped out. The computer chuckled lightly before speaking again.

"In addition, the dojo can also recreate specific opponents that have been pre-programmed into the system. For example; rabid grizzly bear."

Ranma blinked; had he really heard the computer say what he thought it had said? A sudden warm breeze on the back of his neck alerted him before a bestial roar confirmed that, yes; the computer had indeed sicced a rabid grizzly on him. Well-honed instincts instantly decided his course of action, sending Ranma cannoning forwards as a deadly set of claws arced through the air where he had been. Ranma caught himself with a single hand to the floor/ground, spinning himself around in mid air so that he landed on his feet facing the drooling brute. As it bellowed and charged forward, he charged to meet it, a grin on his face.

"Man, now this is a dojo!"

Meanwhile, elsewhere, Ukyo was wandering casually through the many corridors and passageways of her new home, idly taking in the scenery as she went. She walked straight past yet another chamber, then stopped and backtracked to confirm that yes, it was indeed occupied, by none other than Mousse, who was sitting at a desk wearing a pair of headphones. Her curiosity piqued, she called out to him.

"Hey Mousse, whatcha doing?" asked Ukyo. For a second she thought the Chinese boy hadn't heard her, a valid thought considering the headphones covering his ears and the industrious way he was scribbling away with what were essentially an electronic pen and paper. However, after several seconds, he pressed a button on the table, slid back his headphones and looked up at her.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked what you were doing. You were pretty focused there."

"Oh! I was studying."

"Studying? You mean like schoolwork? Why would you need to study?"

Mousse snorted before retorting to Ukyo's words, seemingly offended.

"Just because I come from Joketsuzoku doesn't mean I'm an idiot! If you must know I was studying astro-navigation."

Ukyo blinked in confusion at Mousse's answer.

"Astro-navigation? You mean like driving? As in, driving a spaceship?"

"Yes."

The blank, even tone with which he said it and neutrally serious expression on his face killed off any reply Ukyo could have thought. After several minutes of rather uncomfortable silence, Mousse returned to his studies as Ukyo wandered off, shaking her head as she went. Mousse, flying a spaceship? As if!

_Okay, finally got this done. Typing is a lot slower when you basically can only use one hand. I sure hope this chapter was all right, I feel that I wasn't up to my usual standards writing this. Anyway, I got a couple of requests I'd like input on, as well as asking you to continue "voting" for those scenarios from the last chapter. _

_Firstly, I'd like you to suggest a name for the computer (gives him a bit more of a personality) and suggest paintjobs for the "assigned" scuzz-bots (that is, the ones that have been specifically assigned to the Nerimites). Secondly, I need to figure out which of the Nerimites will become the new pilot/navigation officer (I know I had Mousse studying for that in this chapter, but that was mostly for comedy) and the new science officer. Please tell me who you think would be best. Finally, I have another potential scenario to use; so I'm asking if you want me to use it or not._

_Basically, the Nerimites "pick-up" an alien girl, who comes from a species that has strength/endurance equal to Ryoga's, as well as Ryoga's sense of direction. When she finds out Ryoga is on the ship, she flips out. Turns out her father crashed on earth prior to her and Ryoga's births, and he made a deal with Ryoga's father that their children would get married. So now Ryoga has to try and persuade an amorous alien girl to leave him alone, not easy considering Akane, Ranma and Kuno are trying to persuade him to go with the girl while Shampoo, Mousse, Kodachi and Ukyo are trying to "persuade" her to leave him alone._

_If you want me to use this scenario, then I need the following bits of advice:_

_-Name for the girl and her species._

_-Appearance of the girl; other than the fact she's what the TFOS game would describe as a Very-Near Human (like most of the E.T. characters from Urusei Yatsura), I got nothing on her_

_-Whether you want her and Ryoga to get together or not_

_-Whether you want her to stay on the Blue Giant or leave back into space_


	4. Chapter 4

Red Dwarf One-Half 

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½™ in any way, shape or form, nor do I own the concept of Red Dwarf™._

**Author's Notes: **ah, the reviews, how they comfort me so, sparking the engines within my mind and initiating the production of further chapters. No, I don't know what I'm on either. Anyway, so far the War Ship scenario is the most popular, with BTL and Berserk Curses taking second and third place respectively. So far, the most popular choice for Ranma's new psychic powers is a tie between Chronokinesis and the Photo/Umbrakinesis combo. This is your last chapter to "vote" for which scenario will be chapter 6, so if there's one you want to see happen you need to review. Of course, you can still continue to "vote" on the usage of the other ideas (including the "Alien Hitchhiker" I posted in the last chapter).

To reviewer Hiryo: I don't really know how to write romance, though I may pair off the characters in a later chapter (assuming I get that far), but if I do pairing then Ranma/Akane is the least likely to happen (unless I pair Ranma with more than one girl); as I've said before, Ranma/Shampoo is my favourite coupling, alongside my newly developed obsession with Mousse/Ukyo.

Finally, to all reviewers who asked about Sacrifice ½: I don't think I'm ever going to continue writing for that because, as I keep saying, I've no idea what to write for further chapters. If you do want me to resurrect it though, then please suggest ideas for new chapters via review (preferably reviews for Sacrifice ½, though I'll accept them if they're posted to RD ½) or PM. I have toyed with the idea of a series of "divergence" fics; fics that are tied to the universe portrayed in Sacrifice ½ but which are not officially part of them, like Twizted Matchups. The primary one that occurs to me deals with Blight's assault on the Sailor Scouts, for reasons explained in the last chapter of Sacrifice ½.

Chapter 4: Oh Ye of Fickle Faith, Part 1

It was two weeks later, and Mousse was sulking in one of the communal eating areas, which the Nerimites had adopted as both a place of dining and an impromptu meeting place to try and avoid going mad from loneliness; the sheer size of the Blue Giant made it very possible that they could actually go for weeks without seeing each other. In fact, no one had seen Ryoga since that first day. The computer had reported that he was currently somewhere in the diesel decks. Ukyo, who had come to the room to get something to eat, sighed in exasperation.

"Come on Mousse, just get over it already. You knew that it was going to happen."

"Doesn't make it any less painful. I mean, come on, I aced the written tests and the simulations!"

"But you flunked the physical. Be serious; did you really think even a computer would be dumb enough to let you pilot a ship when you can't even see an inch in front of your face?"

Mousse looked at her with a rather hurt expression, which prompted a slight twinge of guilt in Ukyo. Of course, that twinge quickly disappeared at Mousse's next words.

"And what makes Ranma any more logical a choice as a pilot then me?"

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with Ranma-honey! He's in excellent physical condition, his senses are excellent, he's focused, dedicated…"

"Dumb as a box of rocks..."

Ukyo glared at him and reached automatically for her combat spatula, hissing softly through her teeth when she recalled that she'd left it in her chambers. Her glare softened as she admitted to herself that Mousse was, in a way, right; Ranma wasn't the most likely candidate for pilot. In fact, he hadn't displayed any interest in such technical skills until a week after Ukyo had found Mousse studying astro-navigation, which was when Mousse had been dismissed on account of his impaired vision.

Ranma had offered Mousse sympathy, in his own way, then Kuno had started making his usual boastful, conceited remarks, culminating by saying that Ranma was too stupid to even begin to understand the teachings. Offended, Ranma had beaten Kuno unconscious, as he usually did when Kuno shot his mouth off about something, and had been about to leave when Akane had agreed with Kuno's statement, challenging Ranma to prove her wrong. The indignant Ranma had taken Akane up on her challenge, and to considerable surprise he actually seemed to be doing well.

To somewhat less surprise was the fact that Shampoo, on hearing what Ranma was doing, had joined the same class- to Akane's jealousy, as normal. Somewhat more surprising was that Shampoo actually seemed to be studying in the classroom, rather than trying to flirt with Ranma. Though she did sit a little closer to Ranma than Akane and Mousse thought was necessary. Kuno was the only one who still believed that the duo weren't studying at all.

This had resulted in a vital life's lesson for the Nerimites; never call a Chinese Amazon a bimbo. Especially if said Chinese Amazon happens to be standing behind you at the time. The computer had reported that morning that Kuno was well on his path to recovery, and would probably be up and about within two to three more days. Not that anyone really cared.

The reason Mousse was still sulking over his dismissal, other than the fact it was his nature to do so, was because today was the "final exam"- which meant that Ranma and Shampoo had taken one of the small ship-to-surface vessels and flown off in a practical final exam to get their official license. Ukyo had been miffed, and Mousse –as said before- was sulking, but Akane had gone ballistic when she'd found out. In the end, her scuzz-bot (easily distinguishable by its new bright red paintjob) had led a massed assault of scuzz-bots on its mistress, bearing her to the ground through sheer weight of numbers and injecting her with enough tranquillisers to keep her asleep for the next week or so.

Not that this turn of events was known to the two individuals who could (and more than likely would) be blamed for it. Ranma and Shampoo were currently piloting the 'Starspike #1', one of the plethora of ship-to-surface vessels docked within the cavernous hull of the Blue Giant. The Starspike model of ship had an elongated shape, somewhat of a hybrid between a pyramid and an oval, which, combined with the "bubble"-like cockpit section and the six spindly multi-flexing legs used for landing, gave it an insectile appearance.

The computer, connected to the ship's mainframe via remote-link, was acting in the role of instructor. Currently, it had Ranma and Shampoo heading on a steady course towards a nearby planetoid, intended to have them "slingshot" back towards the Blue Giant through use of the planetoid's gravitational field. As they undertook their course, the computer tested them on intergalactic "road signs", which the two answered in turns whilst retaining a careful eye on the ship's controls, lest it escape their control.

"What is this symbol?" asked the computer, displaying a holographic image of the black silhouette of a naked, faceless woman performing an erotic dance against a white background.

"Danger: space mirages and/or psionic parasites ahead." Droned Ranma in a disinterested tone, clearly trying to convey the image that he was not fascinated (or scared) by the image depicted- likely out of a desire to avoid attracting Shampoo's ire.

"Correct. Now, what does this image mean?" The image displayed this time was a blue rectangle containing three white arrows, two pointing up and the third pointing down.

"Heavy space traffic; keep to your space lane." Said Shampoo.

"Excellent. Now, what's this-" the computer's words were cut off as the ship suddenly jolted violently, the startled Nerimites instantly lunging for the controls.

"What was that?"

"Scanners say gravitational distortion. But we no close enough to planet for that yet…"

Two more jolts rocked the ship in quick succession as the ship's control flashed and flickered, Ranma and Shampoo tapping at frantic speeds.

"Something's wrong; some kind of external signal is disrupting our controls- something's taken over the ship! Our engines are being boosted, our thrusters have been engaged!"

"Course changing; we no slingshotting now, we being pulled down to planet's surface! Can't stop it!"

To Be Continued…

_Okay, I know, I know; cliffhangers aren't my usual style and this chapter especially isn't done the way I normally would do things. Unfortunately, I've had a nasty bit of writers block in regards to details, and I've been at this chapter so long that I thought I might as well make it a two-parter and ask you reviewers for advice._

_Basically, in case you haven't figured it out, Ranma and Shampoo are about to crash on an alien world. There, they have to deal with the primitive locals, who want to sacrifice them to "The God of the Pyramid" and figure out a way to get back to the Blue Giant with their ship toasted and their radios on the fritz._

_What I need advice with here is, primarily, designs for the local aliens and their "God", who in actuality is an exiled alien tyrant who's been dominating these primitives for quite some time. Some ideas on what might happen to Ranma and Shampoo on the planet, or to the others aboard the Blue Giant, would also be appreciated._


	5. Chapter 5

Red Dwarf One-Half 

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½™ in any way, shape or form, nor do I own the concept of Red Dwarf™._

**Author's Notes:** you know, this chapter almost didn't come out. I simply didn't think that enough people were reading this story to make it worth the time and effort. Remember; I rely on reviews to tell me whether or not my writings are being read- insufficient reviews means I'll stop writing. This is not a threat, this is not blackmail, and it is not intended to come off as such. It's just a statement.

Finally, just something I need to clear up: in regards to the "Alien Hitchhiker" storyline, don't suggest characters from other series, please. I know what I want for her personality and background; I just need advice on what she looks like. Besides which, I really want to try and avoid crossovers with this storyline- I recall some reviewers said that Sacrifice ½ went downhill after I crossed it over with the Slayers.

Oh, and before I forget, one more thing I seem to need to remind you all of: my writings take place SOLELY in the anime universe. That means no failed wedding, no Saffron, no Musk, no Umisenken. Just seems I need to point that out.

Chapter 5: Oh Ye of Fickle Faith, Part 2

"Access denied."

"Why you! How dare you refuse entry to the Black Rose of Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics! I demand that you let me in at once!"

"Access denied." The computer replied as Kodachi fumed in rage, even going so far as to sulkily kick the bottom of the door, which still refused to open. She glared at it, too distracted to notice as the wheezing, grime-covered Ryoga pushed out a grill and squeezed himself through the square opening from one of the ventilation shafts, unfortunately failing to notice he was in the roof until he was far enough out of the shaft that gravity succeeded in pulling him to the floor. Once his legs toppled over from their position above his head, he pulled himself to his feet, absently rubbing the bruise from where he had landed on his face.

"Hey Kodachi. What's wrong?" he asked, more out of instinctual habit than any actual desire to speak to the Kuno girl. Kodachi blinked twice, first when she recognized he was present and a second time when she took in his appearance. She shook her head and resumed glaring at the door whilst speaking to Ryoga in an absent-minded tone of voice.

"This wretched machine refuses to grant me entrance into this chamber. How dare it resist the will of Kodachi 'The Black Rose' Kuno!" A bead of nervous sweat trickled down Ryoga's neck as he watched Kodachi began raging again.

"Just what is that room anyway?" He didn't realise he'd spoken aloud until the computer answered him.

"This chamber contains the chemistry laboratory."

Ryoga blinked twice in confusion, then his eyes widened as he mentally completed the equation of Kodachi plus chemicals. Quickly he tried to come up with something to distract her- nobody in their right mind wanted Kodachi let loose with who-knew-what chemicals.

"Say, where's Ranma? I haven't seen him for a while?" He chose not to mention that he hadn't seen Ranma because he'd been hiking through the engines for at least half of the last two weeks. He unconsciously scratched a peeling burn-scab, the result of being too close when some unknown –to him anyway- gadget had started spewing flames. Kodachi started to walk away, apparently losing interest with the content of the chemistry laboratory and not wanting to be around Ryoga. As she left, she casually spoke aloud, uncaring whether or not Ryoga heard her.

"Ranma went out in a spaceship with that foreign peasant Shampoo, supposedly taking some sort of test. We don't know where they are or what they're doing though." Ryoga's jaw dropped and he stared after her in shock.

"And you're okay with that?"

"Why would I be worried? I mean; it's not like anything could be wrong…"

Electrical fires buzzed and crackled as Shampoo heaved aside a chunk of debris with a soft grunt. Ranma emerged from the inner chambers of the demolished ship with what he managed to salvage of the emergency supplies, shaking his head as he came into the pale sunlight.

"It was a miracle we survived that crash."

"Miracle nothing. You two are truly skilled pilots. You will receive full licenses when we return to the Blue Giant." Spoke the computer from a comm-watch now strapped to Ranma's wrist; the crash had evidentially knocked a few circuits loose, and the distance probably wasn't helping, as the computer's voice was now very erratic, constantly jumping in tone and pitch and occasionally skipping through words, with the annoying crackle of static overlaying everything. Shampoo snorted at its words.

"If we such good pilots, then why we crash?"

"Accidents happen… not to mention that the crash wasn't your fault. Someone deliberately interfered with the ship's systems; they wanted us to crash."

"Whoever 'they' are…" said Ranma, staring at the alien vista now stretching before his eyes. Shampoo, giving up her evidentially futile search for further supplies, joined him at staring at the vast jungle and towering spires of bizarrely moulded stone before them. After a few seconds spent in equal parts wondering about the future and simply enjoying being in Ranma's company without any of the usual chaos, Shampoo spoke up.

"So now what we do?"

"The ship's a wreck, and the comm-systems look to be fried –that's really more your department than mine anyway- so we don't have much choice. We start walking and see if we can find whoever the hell made us crash. Maybe they'll have a ship we can take, or a communications array."

"And if they don't?"

"At least we can kick the snot out of them for dragging us here."

Shampoo nodded at the irrefutable veracity of that statement, then followed Ranma as he started walking. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to them and in complete ignorance of the nightmarish situation (nightmarish by their reckonings anyway) Ranma and Shampoo were experiencing; the other Nerimites were engaged in a life-and-death struggle of a completely different sort…

"I'll take three cards."

"Ooh, a risk-taker are we Ukyo?" chuckled Mousse as he slid the cards across to her. Not even looking up from her contemplation, Ukyo simply added the cards to the bunch she already had, studying her new hand with fierce intensity as Kuno and Akane did the same. Kodachi and Ryoga, who'd only just come onto the scene, blinked at the sight of the Nerima Wrecking Crew playing poker. As they watched, cards were dealt and rejected and chips were slid across the table to join the growing pile in the center. The players didn't seem to notice Kodachi and Ryoga's presence, until she coughed loudly and deliberately. Then Kuno's (still-bandaged) head lifted from his study of his cards.

"Oh, greetings sister. And to you to Fanged Wanderer. Do you wish to join in this most excellent game of chance and pit your luck against that of the Blue Thunder?"

Ryoga blinked as he tried to figure out precisely what Kuno had just said, whilst Kodachi immediately seated herself at the table, Ryoga slowly following her example.

On the planetoid, Ranma and Shampoo charged headlong as, mere inches behind them, a massive swarm of small, green, fuzzy, monkey-like things came in their wake, snapping and snarling. They would have almost been cute, if not for the plethora of huge fangs lining their gaping maws and their three-inch long talons. Squeaking with bloodlust, they chased Ranma and Shampoo through the jungle, until the martial artists found themselves faced with a mountain too steep for them to climb. As the fuzzy hordes closed in around them, they turned their backs to the wall, determined to take as many of these repugnant creatures with them as possible.

Just when they'd thought their final hour had come though, a glowing orb of sparkling golden light suddenly fell from the air into the midst of the shrieking monkey-kin, exploding with sufficient force to vaporise at least a third of the abominations. As Ranma and Shampoo blinked in shock, twin beams of crimson energy lanced down from above, striking creature after creature and burning them all to ash and cinders. Within seconds the creatures that had been about to eat Ranma and Shampoo were either dead or fleeing back into the jungle. They blinked, but they weren't out of the woods yet. Two thin blue tentacles dropped from the sky now, coiling around their limbs and entwining about their torsos too fast for either Ranma or Shampoo to react before they pulled them into the air.

Seconds later, they were at the top of the mountain, staring as their saviour retracted the tentacles –in actuality, two of his right hand's fingers- which he had used to bring them to him. They had never seen anything like him in their lives, and they had seen a lot of strange things before. In appearance, he was a muscular male humanoid, wearing nothing but a sort of loincloth made from rags, with dark blue skin. Scattered across his body were strange, pulsating mouth-like orifices, which opened and closed in a semi-rhythm. His hair consisted of a mass of fleshy tentacles, vaguely reminiscent of a tree's branches, whilst his long toes resembled tree-roots. He smirked at them as they stared at him, trying to figure out what to say. After all, he had just saved them, and he was an actual alien- shouldn't they try to make a good impression?

"Greetings. My congratulations on making it this far; most who crash on this wretched mudball of a planet don't survive half as long as you have."

Ranma and Shampoo started; sure, they did it all the time on TV, but what were the odds of an alien lifeform actually speaking a human language? The creature could evidentially interpret the looks on their faces, as it spoke again.

"The ability to speak any form of spoken language in the universe is one of my special gifts. I am Judogwi; who are you?"

"I am Ranma, and this is Shampoo. Where are we?"

"If this filthy world has a name, I haven't discovered it yet. You may not realise it, but you are quite fortunate to have found me. Until now, I have been the only one to survive here."

"Yeah, those freaky monkey-things looked real dangerous."

"The Chituri? They are pests, compared to some of the other lifeforms that haunt this place. The worst are the Magtheries; the local equivalent of sentient lifeforms. They are brutal, primitive and superstitious creatures, who see it as their sacred duty to hunt down all who crash here and sacrifice them to their 'god'."

"You seem to know an awful lot about the way things are here." Said Ranma in a suspicious tone. Judogwi snorted disdainfully.

"And so I should. I have been trapped here for the best part of two centuries."

"Two hundred years!"

"Yes. I, like you, once travelled the cosmos, but then I made the unfortunate mistake of drawing near this planet. You see, the Magtheries god possesses some strange technology that affects interplanetary flight; nothing can fly near this world without being dragged inescapably to its surface. Throughout my entrapment, I have attempted to penetrate his defences so that I could put an end to him and escape this horrible place. But, until now, my efforts have been in vain. However, you two seem to possess considerable fighting skills yourself. Perhaps you will consider forming an alliance with me to discover a way to escape?"

You didn't need to be a rocket scientist to figure out Ranma and Shampoo's reaction.

To Be Continued…

_Okay, sorry to drag this out into a three-parter, but this chapter's taken long enough to get out, plus there's something I need to ask. In case it isn't obvious, Judogwi is a martial artist of the DBZ style, and I was wondering if maybe I should have him teach the NWC -or at least Ranma and Shampoo- some of his own "super-martial arts tricks"? If so, should he do so whilst they're stuck on the planet or should he "move in" to the Blue Giant and teach them there?_

_On a final note, Judgowi's name and appearance are "borrowed" from that of the villain of an obscure OAV I happen to own. Can anyone guess what that OAV is?_


End file.
